While contemplating what to write in this journal entry, I came across the song Another In The Fire by Hillsong United. Everything I tried to type just didn’t seem to work. I couldn’t really articulate what to say or write, it all seemed to miss the mark. But I think this song reflects the dependency I have on God during these hard times more than anything I could ever say, especially these lines:
There’s a grace when the heart is under fire
Another way when the walls are closing in
And when I look at the space between
Where I used to be and this reckoning
I know I will never be alone
Another way when the walls are closing in
And when I look at the space between
Where I used to be and this reckoning
I know I will never be alone
There was another in the fire
Standing next to me
There was another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
Of how I’ve been set free
There is a cross that bears the burden
Where another died for me
There is another in the fire
Standing next to me
There was another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
Of how I’ve been set free
There is a cross that bears the burden
Where another died for me
There is another in the fire
Wow. I’m old. And being old has some advantages. Not the current pain I feel. Not the pain I feel for all that is going on. Not the pain I feel when I need to bend over to pick something up. Current pain is always hard. But I look back, and see the hardest times in my life. The times where the pain was so bad I did not think I would make it. Lost loves, lost friends. The world caving in on me from all sides. The advantage of being old is I can look back, and clearly see how those times have made me who I am today. I was strong then, and did not know it. But I am much stronger today, with strong roots to carry me through crazy hard things. And I mourn those around me that have had easy perfect lives, though I had wished for that myself. They have very little faith to run the race, and constantly fall. My roots are only strong because I stood in the storms as God was my support. I thank God for all of the times in my life – the times of turmoil and storms and the times of peace and calm.